


If and When

by SaveSafeSpaces



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Romance, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Levi Ackerman Needs a Hug, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Midlife Crisis, Non-Linear Narrative, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Male Character, POV Multiple, POV Second Person, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Scout Regiment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:47:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaveSafeSpaces/pseuds/SaveSafeSpaces
Summary: In the year 854, tensions between Paradis, Marley and the remainder of the world are high and ever rising. Soldiers are dying left and right, many with greater wounds that slip through even the grasp of stitches, disinfectants and cold medicines alike.Heidi Hartmann, from medic to physician to Lieutenant, has seen and treated all. Amid the brutality of active warfare and an oath to do no harm to any under her care, she finds herself at crossroads between personal fulfilment and obligation to her comrades in arms. The choice to see this war through to the end and keep as many ill and injured alive as possible or to run away hand in hand with a man who shares her struggles through and through.The choice, as it stands, remains to be seen.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	If and When

The carnage before us in the distance was unlike anything else I’d ever encounter in my previous years as a Scout..

Thick black smoke bellowed out of buildings, people screamed and cried, scattering around in retreat. The sounds of explosions and rapid gunfire reached my ears with a dull pop! pop! The soldiers who’d descended from the skies to the city below were barely visible, only illuminated by the silver cuffed supports on their uniforms and the larger cylindrical gas canisters on their backs. The attack on Liberio was without a doubt a shocking surprise to both warriors and civilians alike.

_Ironic how it's always Devils who are the first to strike._

I suppose this means they should have never underestimated us in the first place. Because of Marley’s arrogance and lack of initiative thousands of people would die tonight. Dignitaries, diplomats, devoted citizens would be reduced to nothing but ash, blood and bones beneath the rubble of this urbanized prison setting. All of whom were gathered together for a feeble declaration of war.

 _Liberio._ How much longer would the people of the town have lived in this fear-inducing ignorance had Eren not decided to make his move? How much longer would they continue to perceive us as nothing more than uncivilized swine, had it not been for the arrival of the Scouts, propelling themselves through the air with explosive spears strapped to their arms and blades capable of slicing through titan flesh?

“Enjoying the show?”

I turned around to find Hange standing in the doorway. Brown hair tied back in a tightly secured, terribly messy queue, deep brown eyes shining brightly with amusement, goggles rested securely on top the messy brown locks. She too donned the same tight black uniform with silver cuffs and breastplate engraved with the Wings of Freedom. Her signature eyepatch wrapped tightly around her head. Faintly, I felt the fit of my own uniform as I shrugged, returning my attention to the scene below.

“I suppose. Perhaps the Warriors fancy it a lot more.”

The Commander chuckled. “They’ll amazed at our aerial...are-”

“Aerial acrobatic performance?”

“Exactly!” Hange looped an arm around my shoulders. “I can practically feel the jealousy in the air. Imagine them all seething with rage seeing how graceful we are, swinging in perfect arcs-”

“Before hammering down on all of them in hellish fury with enough ammunition to slaughter our enemies like senseless pigs.” I finished for her. “Of course.”

The brunette threw her head back with a high pitched cackle, one in which after a moment or two, I reluctantly joined. A brief, welcome moment of solace to drown out the sounds of active warfare and devastation in our ears.

So good to be out of the nurses’ uniform.

She exhaled in a heavy sigh. “Never thought we’d see this day, hmm?”

I hummed. “We’re not the ones who can see the future.”

The brunette shrugged. “That is also true. Nevertheless, it’s good to have you here with us again.”

After another quiet moment, I retreated from the entryway. “Best get ready to patch up the ones who return.”

“Right.” Hange mumbled, stepping away as well.

Just as I turned away she called out to me again.

“Heidi.”

“Yes?”

“Do you think we’ll see the end of this war?”

A particularly loud explosion and a flash of light flashed behind her. _Armin must’ve finally reached shore._

“Maybe we will, maybe we won’t.” I muttered. “Only time will tell.”

With a nod the Commander left the room shortly after, leaving me to gather my own thoughts in silence as I took out the necessary medical supplies for the returning scouts. Those included gauze, needles, bandaging and anesthetics of various strengths. I’d made sure to keep all primary first aid essentials on a separate table from the rest. No doubt a few of our newest recruits would come back to us heavily injured or even on the verge of death. That much was inevitable.

The scouts who _did_ make it back to the airship would be the lucky ones to stitch up, remove bullets from and staunch any bleeding only if I made it to everyone in time.

 _Triage is real._ I reminded myself. _Always be prepared._

Nevertheless, I could do it. Hell, I _had_ to. We couldn’t afford to lose some of our best soldiers in enemy territory. If the Marleyans got their hands on one of the bodies, they’d know the secrets of our ODM Gear. Then again, it wasn’t as if they didn’t already have some knowledge from the warriors who’d been sent to infiltrate the island some nine years prior. Even if they did, the War Chief and his minions would be too busy cleaning up the mess of blood, bodies and bullets to do anything substantial with that informatio-

 _No._ I corrected. _Never underestimate._

I reminded and reprimanded myself time and time again: don’t make the same mistakes Marley did. Don’t ever think you’ve outsmarted the enemy. Use what you know now from what you learned back then to keep moving forward. Still, I couldn’t help the tiny chuckle escaping my lips.

_We’ve all learned that well enough, right Captain?_

*^*^*^*^*

Levi looked at the pocketwatch in his hand just as he heard more shouts from outside. Hiding out in a building hadn’t been the most ideal, but there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.

He had to lie low for now and make sure that brat didn't die before they returned to Paradis.

A growl followed by a large thud! Sounded beyond the building. When the Captain turned back to the window, he saw the other titan from earlier latched onto the brat. Maw wide open, leaning in and sinking its teeth into the flesh of the taller titan's neck. _Jaw Titan._

In mere moments he swooped down, slicing through the connective tissue at the jawed bastard's mouth, rendering it useless. Without the proper amount of time to regenerate, the little shit would be completely vulnerable against their forces. A well-deserved losing streak for the arrogant fucks who decided to sit around on their asses and wait.

He chided himself. _Never underestimate._

All that mattered was keeping the brat and his men alive, no matter what. Eren may have gotten them all involved in this shitshow, but Levi would be damned to hell and beyond before he failed to make it out of here with his men in tow.

Speaking of brats, there he was. Eren's titan was now trapped between the layers of hardened skin protruding upwards in a crystalline pillar formed by another titan. Warhammer.

Rapid gunfire to his right took out three of his men. Giant footfalls all around, but he turned to the ones approaching behind him. All through the screams and explosions he heard it -no, him- clearly.

“Show yourself Levi!” That insufferable voice boomed. “You can’t afford to wait, can you?”

Oh he could. And he did.

Finally. That furry bastard decided to make himself known -right on time too. Time for dishing out another well-earned ass kicking was well overdue and Levi had been itching for a fight. Still, the finishing blow would have to wait, what mattered now was subduing these fuckers then returning to ship intact.

He fired a grappling hook into the nearest building and swung down to meet the others. Potato Girl with her rifle in hand, Jean locked and loaded with Thunder Spears on each arm. Mikasa on Eren’s shoulder in the distance. The others on standby, alert for any sign of movement from either Jaw or Cart. Blades ready, heart pounding, nostrils flared. 

All of this while the Beast approached the soldiers with s slow stride, as if this was some leisurely stroll outside on a warm summer night. _Just like the cocky bastard._

"Don't let any one of them escape." The Ape-shit drawled out. "Exterminate them all."

Levi's eyes darkened. Hands gripped the blades even tighter

"Survive. That’s an order!"

He raised his blades, propelling himself forward to meet the Beast head on and disappeared. That giant furball raised its arms crushing boulders between its long gnarled fingers. Even from where he was now, there’d be no way for Zeke to scatter all of them at once-

_No._ He chided. _Don’t fucking underestimate._ Shiganshina reminded him clearly enou- 

Gunfire again, shooting from the rooftops. The Cart Titan moved in, sniping another two soldiers. The Jaw, freshly recovered from its wounds, jumped up and swiped another soldier, slicing them clean to shreds. 

“Tch!” He swung the side just as the Cart sent another wave of bullets his way. 

Buildings all around him exploded in a haze of dust and debris as the Beast pelted handfuls of rock and concrete in any and every direction. Briefly, he saw the silver lines of Scouts zipping through the air, three air at a time in damn near perfect formation. Other evaded bullets like they were batting away flies. Even more took down the soldiers on the roofs. He had to hand it to them, they’d all improved immensely in the last four years. All in sync, all in strategy. 

If it weren’t for why they were here now, he could almost feel proud. 

“War Chief,” the Cart droned, “Enemy attack incoming-” 

A handful of slashes and the spray of blood through the air and the beast went down face first. Levi landed on its jaw, planting a spear and looking ahead, down in front of him. A girl, a boy and a man stood before him stock still, shocked into silence. It didn’t matter now. 

He pulled off the pin with a sharp click! before taking off; faintly he heard the girl scream out Zeke’s name. Despite all this mess, Levi hoped for their sake those little brats hadn’t been caught in the blast. 

The Captain flew to the rooftop, surveying the blocked roads and blown out buildings. Witnessed Eren shove a giant crystal-encapsulated woman inside the Jaw's mouth and crush her like a goddamn walnut. Blood spilling forth into his giant mouth before tossing the lifeless titan aside. _Fucking disgusting._

The roar and putter of the airship sounded off in the distance. Signal flares fired off, emitting bright yellow and blue pillars of smoke against a black night sky. Mission accomplished. Retreat.  


He swooped down to the ground, swiping the body of his hostage, then grappled onto the metal support beneath the mighty ship. Battling constant movement from the air and the flying contraption, he made his way inside to the control room, ignoring the heat and the steam emitting from the man under his right arm.

_Just you fucking wait._

*^*^*^*^*

They’d returned to the airship two and three at a time -no more, no less. I counted each one as they entered, keeping a sharp eye out for any of the critically injured. So far, most had gotten with minor wounds that required no stitches -to my surprise. Only two soldiers made it back so far with serious injuries. The first being a fractured nose which I set right away, the second being a deep laceration in the right thigh just above the knee. Though not deep enough to slice through the calcaneal tendon, whatever got him in the thing was strong enough to tear through a good part of the skin and muscle. That required a deep suture held in place with simple stitches and the application of a compression stocking after the wound was closed, disinfected and properly bandaged.

“Try not to move your leg too much until we return to the island” I told the soldier. “If you need anything don’t hesitate to alert one of the recruits in this room. If you feel any immediate pain or discomfort or the wound continues bleeding, let me know immediately.”

“Yes, ma’am.” the soldier grunted.

“When we return to Paradis, I’ll have you escorted via stretcher to the nearest hospital for recovery and rehabilitation.” I finished fixing the stocking in place before moving away to dispose of the needle and sterilize the holders. “Granted, you’ll be out of commission for at least three months.”

“Ahh,” The soldier groaned, “fuck.”

I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know, but I’d rather have you fully healed than lame as a horse. In the end, this is for your benefit.”

“Right.”

Before leaving him, I gently placed my hand over the bandage. A tingle ran up and down my right arm as a small glow pulsed beneath my palm. At once, the soldier’s eyebrows relax, his entire body sinking further into the table soon after. Small, even pulses.

When I was sure he was completely asleep, I stepped away, calling for another medic to take my place before going to check up on the trio. Relief flooded my chest at the sight of Jean Connie and Sasha were all stationed at the open entryway chatting as they usually did. Sasha, with her loaded rifle in hand, Jean with a pistol and Connie gripping onto a metal bar for support, the smallest of smiles on his face.

“You three made it back. Good.”

Three jumped up and saluted unprompted. We all crouched down while I gave them a tiny warning about the entryway and asked for the status of those missing in action.

“We have six confirmed deaths so far.” Sasha stated.

“All squads present?”

“Still waiting on some from Squad Lima.” Connie chipped in. ”Apparently they were caught in the crossfire involving the Cart.”

“Section Commander Lobov is still missing.” Jean murmured.

“Damn.” I hissed. “And he’s one of our best recruits.”

My shoulder slumped and I sighed. “Close the entrance in fifteen minutes. If no one’s made it back yet, this is their last chance to return.”

“Yes ma’am!” They saluted in unison.

Behind me, I heard Floch come to life with his rally to rejoice for the New Eldian Empire’s first victory. The walls of the ship practically vibrated with the force of their shouting and for a moment it brought me right back to Shiganshina…. Shaking my head, I looked up to the three soldiers in front of me.

It amazed me just how similar in color all three of their eyes were. Jean, Connie and Sasha all had varying shades of gold and though not as bright as they used to be, there was at least more light in those lovely irises now than had been a week prior when we’d heard of Eren’s letter. At the very least they still managed to smile through this… this _pain._

“You three did well, today.” I put my hand on Sasha’s shoulder, squeezing softly. “And I know for a fact that your father will be especially proud.”

She lowered her gaze to the floor and smiled “Yeah.”

“Maybe I could go with you to Dauper after all of this is over. It’s been a while since I’ve seen your parents.”

Her smile broadened and her eyes lit up. “I’m sure Ma and Pa would love to see you again. Kaya wrote me last time saying she’s got three jars of honey saved for you.”

“Aw,” I chuckled. “I can hardly wait, but let’s get out of here first. Find a breastplate and keep yourself protected.”

“Yes ma’am.”

I got up and made my way to the control room, knocked twice, then entered to find Eren and his brother leaning up against the walls adjacent to each other, Levi and Hange standing over them. Armin and Mikasa stood to the side giving their friend wary glances and discreetly keeping their eyes off the man next to him. I in turn did the same, but didn’t miss the way he looked at me for a moment before whispering the name _Freya_ -

“Lieutenant.” Eren said, voice hollow.

“You’re alright.” I stepped into the room and saluted. “That’s good.”

“At ease, Heidi.” Hange dismissed. “Everyone’s here now?”

I nodded “Six casualties. Still waiting to hear word on Squad Lima and Section Commander Lobov as no one’s seen him yet.”

She nodded and turned to Levi “Well, I suppose this means we can clear out.”

Levi turned to the soldier, Yelena, leaning against the wall in the corner near Eren and Zeke.

"Hey." He addressed her "How long do you plan to keep that on for?"

"Hm?" She said reaching to peel off the fake trimmed beard from her face. "What's the matter? Every conscript does this."

Shouting continued on accompanied by loud thuds against the door and hallway beyond. A second, later a high-pitched scream and muffled hollers

"They’re still screeching like banshees out there?"

We got our answer shortly after the door opened and Jean entered, dragging in two children by the hair who were bound by the arms with rope. Their faces were bruised and bloodied; by the way Kirschtein held them up whatever beating they'd received must've been extreme. I made a mental note to check on the two later. Upon seeing Yelena, his features contorted in rage 

“Yelena, what the hell was that earlier? Your job was to subdue the Cart and Jaw while we ambushed the Warhammer -six scouts are dead because of you!”

“Oh, right...” She dropped her gaze to the floor. “I managed to secure them in the trapdoor, but then left them there. That was my fault.”

“That explains why the Beast slugged more pellets our way than was planned.” Levi crossed his arms. “I’d say that’s one hell of an improvisation, eh Beardy?”

Zeke scoffed. “Do us all a favor and spare me your glares, Levi. Not much you could do if I pissed myself right now. I hate to admit it, but you’re a damn good actor, considering how much you truly want me dead.” 

“I perceive myself as the person who saves the best part of their meal for last. In this way I can savor the taste.”

Much as I wanted to either to cringe or laugh at the Captain’s statement, now wasn’t the time to do so. The air hung thick with tension as a charged silence followed Levi’s words. Now, I wondered if someone needed to step in-

The War Chief turned to the two children. “Gabi, Falco... What are you doing here?”

The girl, Gabi, jumped up at the sound of her name, like an obedient puppy. The boy, Falco, simply stared wide-eyed at the man leaning up against the corner. _Perhaps these two are his subordinates?_

“Mister Zeke,” Gabi exclaimed “ How could you have been captured so easily by these Devils?”

“What about you sir?” Falco followed suit. “Why are _you_ here?”

"Jean,” I tapped his shoulder, “what's happened?"

"These two killed Lobov and snuck on board using his gear." The soldier before me had a pained expression on his face.

Panic twisted painfully in my gut. "Has anyone else been injured?"

Jean grit his teeth and dropped the children to the floor before looking up at me again.

"Lieutenant, Sasha's been shot. There might not be any hope for her."

**Author's Note:**

> So when you're stuck at home during a pandemic in the summer of 2020 and have been binge-watching scenes from AoT/SnK for the majority of your holiday, what do you get out of it?
> 
> Apparently.... this?
> 
> This scenario has been in my head since I'd say June of last year and I really wondered what it'd be like from a medic's point of view in the Scouting regiment. I know the series, as a whole, is focused primarily on freedom achieved through various mean and fighting against perceived threats to humanity, but imagine just how much suffering goes on for the medics and physicians who have to tend to and monitor the health of these guys at every waking hour of the day.
> 
> So that's what led me here. Updates will happen sporadically as the school year draws to a close and summer makes its appearance but I truly hope you enjoy this work and stick along for the ride. Trust me, it'll be a wild one.
> 
> See you in chapter 2!


End file.
